My son's car getting towed from where it broke down

Another Reason Why I Dislike Cops

June 22, 2011 by Sparks 0 Comments

My son’s car broke down last Sunday – in a very inconvenient spot.  Those of you familiar with Orlando will understand when I tell you where be broke down.  Matthew was on his way to pick up my father – so they could go to the Orlando Science Center and the Taylor Guitar exhibit that was showing there.  On his way to pick up my dad, on SR 408 (also called the East-West Expressway) the car died suddenly.

 (check out Matthew shredding on his guitar 2 years ago.  He’s only gotten better!)

Matthew was heading East on the expressway; there was no right shoulder at all because of construction, and the left shoulder was not wide enough for his car.  The East-West Expressway is one of the busiest highways in Central Florida, and my son was broken down, half in and half out of the lane on a Sunday afternoon.

Matthew called me immediately, and I was only a few miles away, thankfully.  I didn’t realize he was halfway in the roadway, so I told him to stay in the car with the flashers on until I arrived.  Had I know how precarious his position was I would have instructed him to exit the vehicle and stand a few hundred feet behind it.  When I arrived, I was horrified to see how exposed the car was and how close cars were driving to him.

I immediately grabbed traffic cones and placed them further into the roadway, both in front and behind Matthew’s car.  I then walked about 200 feet behind MY car and started waving traffic out of the fast lane and into the center lane.  80% of the people allowed me to guide them but there’s a reason why driving in Florida is one of the most dangerous things you can do here.  Easily 20% of the drivers ignored me,  or even swerved closer to me to scare me, as I tried to protect my family – stranded on the side of the road.  Jerks.

A Florida Highway Patrolman drove by, saw me, and stopped.  He turned on his lights behind my car and I was instantly grateful.  It was incredibly dangerous on the roadway and the presence of the officer and his flashing lights was doing what I could not – all the drivers were getting over and giving us space.  The policeman waved me over to his car.

I walked up and told him Matthew’s car had broken down and we were waiting on AAA to come tow us.  He nodded his head agreeably, put his car in gear, and DROVE OFF.  Yes – he assessed the situation, saw how we were partially blocking the FAST lane, and decided to leave us there.

I was so stunned I could not even articulate how furious I was when I told my wife what had happened.  These are the police who  are supposed to protect and serve – leaving me stranded in a very dangerous position, and not even offering to help direct traffic away from us.  This man, paid by my taxes, left my family in an unsafe situation intentionally.

It took another 15 minutes for the Road Rangers to show up and do what the cop failed to do – he directed traffic away from the lane we were blocking and helped ensure the safety of my family and myself.  I suppose the cop could have called the Road Rangers in, but he gave no indication of it, and he left us for 15 minutes more in the unsafe situation.  He should have stayed until the tow truck had arrived or until the Road Rangers arrived to take over traffic management around the blocked lane.

This is yet another reason why I dislike cops on general principles.

Blogging, Family
,

Removing all .svn folders from a folder via Windows batch

June 17, 2011 by Sparks 0 Comments

I needed to delete all .svn subversion folders and the files within them and did not want to take the time to do it manually. This little command prompt script will recurse a folder and delete all folders names “.svn” and all the files within.

for /d /r . %d in (.svn) do @if exist "%d" rd /s/q "%d"
Programming
, , ,
Directory listing (click to enlarge)

Executing multiple SQL scripts against a MySQL database from a DOS batch file

June 10, 2011 by Sparks 8 Comments

[updated 2011-06-10 because a friend  pointed out a flaw in my assumption that I needed to enter the password every time – see bottom for updates]

I am architecting a project that is a C# front end, hitting SOAP web services, that communicate with a C# core, and has a MySQL database backend (accessed using a buddy’s custom ORM solution).  I use MySQL Workbench to manage the schema and  model of my database and I store all DDL and procedures in SVN, along with the seed scripts to put development data into the database.

I need to be able to make changes to the schema, add procedures, or seed data scripts, save them into SVN, and rebuild it on my integration server with a single command.  I need other developers to be able to generate the database on their local instances quickly as changes are made.  For modularity, each file is a separate script meant to be run, in order, to generate the database, procedures, and seed data.  A sample directory listing looks like this:

Directory listing (click to enlarge)

Directory listing (click to enlarge)

As you can see – I have a a lot of scripts to run, and the list grows daily as new procedures and seed data are added.  Scripts to create the database, scripts for procedures, scripts for seed data…  I initially tried to run them all individually:

mysql -h localhost -u root -p < 001_Create.sql
mysql -h localhost -u root -p < 002_AppUserProcs.sql
mysql -h localhost -u root -p < 003_InterestProcs.sql
etc….

The only problem with that is that it asked me for my password on every single execution.

I looked around for ways to put the password “in memory” or to require it only once, but after 15 minutes of Google research my ADHD kicked in and I needed to do something else.  What I am about to suggest may not be the only way to accomplish this, but it’s what I came up with.  It works, and it’s fast.

The solution:  combine all the sql  files into a single script file and then execute that single script file.  I wrote a DOS batch called generate.bat that combines all of the script files into a single file called sqlrun.txt and then I execute the mysql command line utility against that file.  This way, I only get asked a single time for my password.  Here  is what v1.0 of generate.bat looks like:

@ECHO OFF

ECHO Deleting Previous Files
DEL sqlrun.txt

ECHO Creating script to run

FOR %%X IN (*.sql) DO type %%X >> sqlrun.txt

ECHO Running script
mysql -h localhost -u root -p < sqlrun.txt

ECHO Deleting temporary files
DEL sqlrun.txt

ECHO Finished!

The secret to this is that it loops through every .sql file in the folder and creates a new file called sqlrun.txt, which then gets executed.  Because scripts have to be run in a VERY specific order, I utilize the fact that the DOS FOR command will iterate through the folder alphabetically and I name each of my files numerically so it builds sqlrun.txt in the order I want it to.  Also, the output file (sqlrun.txt) is a .txt file and not a .sql file so it doesn’t get picked up in the FOR statement.

Viola – problem solved.  I am asked only one time for my password and my development team can quickly regenerate the database and seed data on any machine as often as changes are made.

Update 2011-06-10

A follower, previous boss, co-worker, and friend, Gary pointed out a flaw in my initial logic.  The mysql command line utility will NOT ask you for your password every time if you use it correctly (which I did not).  I was putting a space after the -p in the password argument, which is why it did not work for me.

Still, the method I proposed works if you don’t want to hard code the password into your file.  If you don’t mind having the password in your file you don’t need to make a single, massive, sql file and you can change your DOS batch file to the following:

@ECHO OFF

ECHO Running scripts
FOR %%X IN (*.sql) DO mysql -h localhost -u root -pMYPASSWORD < %%X

ECHO Finished!

This works VERY well for automated build and deployment scenarios where you push the code automatically and without human intervention. Thanks, Gary, for the correction.

Programming, Technology
, ,

The Biker’s Creed

June 1, 2011 by Sparks 0 Comments

I ride because it is fun.

I ride because I enjoy the freedom I feel from being exposed to the elements, and the vulnerability to the danger that is intrinsic to riding.

I do not ride because it is fashionable to do so.

I ride my machine, not wear it. My machine is not a symbol of status.  It exists simply for me, and me alone.

My machine is not a toy. It is an extension of my being, and I will treat it accordingly, with the same respect as I have for myself.

I strive to understand the inner-workings of my machine, from the most basic to the most complex.

I will learn everything I can about my machine, so that I am reliant upon no one but myself for it’s health and well-being.

I strive to constantly better my skill of control over my machine.  I will learn its limits, and use my skill to become one with my machine so that we may keep each other alive.

I am the master, it is the servant. Working together in harmony, we will become an invincible team.

I do not fear death.  I will, however, do all possible to avoid death prematurely.
Fear is the enemy, not death. Fear on the highway leads to death, therefore I will not let fear be my master. I will master it.

My machines will outlive me. Therefore, they are my legacy.  I will care for them for future bikers to cherish as I have cherished them, whoever they may be.

I do not ride to gain attention, respect, or fear from those that do NOT ride, nor do I wish to intimidate or annoy them.  For those that do not know me, all I wish from them is to ignore me.  For those that desire to know me, I will share with them the truth of myself,so that they might understand me and not fear others like me.

I will never be the aggressor on the highway.  However, should others mess with me, their aggression will be dealt with in as severe manner as I can cast upon them.

I will show respect to other bikers more experienced or knowledgeable than I am.  I will learn from them all I can.  However, if my respect is not acknowledged or appreciated, it will end.

I will not show disrespect to other bikers less experienced or knowledgeable than I am.  I will teach them what I can. However, if they show me disrespect, they will be slapped.

It will be my task to mentor new riders, that so desire, into the lifestyle of the biker, so that the breed shall continue.  I shall instruct them, as I have been instructed by those before me.  I shall preserve and honor traditions of bikers before me, and I will pass them on unaltered.

I will not judge other bikers on their choice of machine, their appearance, or their profession.  I will judge them only on their conduct as bikers.  I am proud of my accomplishments as a biker, though I will not flaunt them to others. If they ask, I will share them.

I will stand ready to help any other biker that truly needs my help.  I will never ask another biker to do for me what I can do for myself. I am not a part-time biker.  I am a biker when, and where ever I go. I am proud to be a biker, and hide my chosen lifestyle from no one.

I ride because I love freedom, independence, and the movement of the ground beneath me.

But most of all, I ride to better understand myself, my machine, the lands in which I ride, and to seek out and know other bikers like myself.

~Anonymous

Blogging, Motorcycle
"Lip Cancer" is my most popular search term

My Most Popular Search Term: “Lip Cancer”

May 30, 2011 by Sparks 0 Comments

If there were a content on the most popular search terms that land results on Binarybiker.com. the term “lip cancer” would be the clear winner – with over seven (7) times the hit relevancy than any other term.  This is my SEO claim to fame: lip cancer.  Apparently, many people with mouth sores, fever blisters, infections, or herpes are scared that they have cancer and somehow find their way here in their quest for knowledge.  I have one, count it, one blog post dealing with fat lips and cancer.

These other popular terms find their way to my blog:

  • white bump on lip
  • pet scan machine
  • lip cancer photos
  • mouth cancer symptoms
  • cancer on lips
  • fat lip
  • signs of mouth cancer

I have been thinking about this lately.  My blog is known for many reasons – my political views, my fiction, my tongue-in-cheek editorials.  But the one I am most proud of is my cancer blog.  I fill a need there; many people find my website looking for cancer support and ideas.  And most people, strangely enough, come looking for signs of lip cancer.  And I have nothing to say to them – they read my blog about how I freaked myself out because I mistakenly thought I had cancer in my lips, and then they go on to the next site.

I’ve never had lip cancer.  I do know that over 20,000 people get diagnosed with oral cancer every year.  I, too, had oral cancer, but mine was in my tonsils and it spread (Stage III) into my lymph nodes.  About 15% of those diagnosed with oral cancer every year are diagnosed with lip cancer.  I know that there is usually no “early warning” for lip cancer – you usually find it because you get a sore that will not heal.

Some of the signs of lip cancer include (source):

  • A sore on the lip or in the mouth that does not heal.
  • A lump or thickening on the lips or gums or in the mouth.
  • A white or red patch on the gums, tongue, tonsils, or lining of the mouth.
  • Bleeding, pain, or numbness in the lip or mouth.
  • Change in voice.
  • Loose teeth or dentures that no longer fit well.
  • Trouble chewing or swallowing or moving the tongue or jaw.
  • Swelling of jaw.
  • Sore throat or feeling that something is caught in the throat.

The good news is that lip cancer is treatable with surgery and maybe some radiation.  Only rarely is chemo required – usually when it is diagnosed in a really advanced stage.  Lip cancer can be caused by a number of factors and it can be difficult to attribute the cancer to a single cause.  The sun, smoking, heavy drinking, and the HPV virus are all associated with lip cancer.  And, strangely enough, being a man is a risk factor according to every website I read.

If you have found this website in a search to learn more about lip cancer, and are afraid for yourself or a loved on – please know that you are not alone.  Cancer is a disease we all have to face at some level in our life.  Don’t rely on the Internet, this website, or any “friendly” advice to help you self-diagnose.  Go to the doctor – get tested – and find out for sure.  Don’t let the Net scare you unnecessarily or give you a false sense of security.  Until you go to the doctor and get tested, you just don’t know.

It’s scary – but you are not alone.  And cancer is a disease that is easier to fight the earlier it is caught.  Don’t wait – call your doctor now if you are concerned.

Blogging, Cancer
, ,

Current Controversies: Patriotism

May 27, 2011 by Sparks 2 Comments

The Binary Biker has been published (again)!

A blog post I wrote in 2010 on Patriotism was picked up and included in a textbook titled Current Controversies: Patriotism.  Published by Greenhaven Press, the text is part of a collection of books that touch on hot and emerging topics in today’s world.  From the publisher’s website:

Each anthology is composed of a wide spectrum of primary sources written by many of the foremost authorities in their respective fields. This unique approach provides students with a concise view of divergent opinions on each topic. Extensive book and periodical bibliographies and a list of organizations to contact are also included.

My article is on page 47 of the textbook, following an essay by Ron Paul and just before an essay by an adjunct professor of philosophy in New Jersey named Jack Kerwick.  There’s even an essay by President Barack Obama in the book.

I am extremely honored and humbled to have my words included in an anthology with such learned and illustrious leaders and thinkers.

If you’re not my family you’ll probably never buy the book, but thousands of children in high schools across the nation will be exposed to my words, the very words I write on this blog, as they learn and discover the current controversies surrounding patriotism.

That, my friends, – the fact that my words are influencing and entire generation of American children –  is even more humbling to me than being side by side with Ron Paul and Barack Obama in a book.

Blogging, Education, Politics, Writing
, ,
I have Zero Tolerance for Zero Tolerance

Zero Tolerance for Zero Tolerance

May 27, 2011 by Sparks 0 Comments

Senior pranksters at my son’s high school sprayed the school with silly string and Saran wrap the day before yesterday.  Because of the school’s Zero Tolerance policy, the police are involved and, if caught, the offenders will face criminal charges of trespass and vandalism – marks on their criminals records that will follow them the rest of their lives.

Zero Tolerance in our schools is dangerously stupid and naive because the implementation of it is fundamentally flawed.  Zero Tolerance means that intent does not matter.  The kid who brings a pocket knife to for show and tell and the kid who brings a knife to hurt someone are treated exactly the same.

The concept of zero tolerance is deceptively simple:  regardless of situation or intent, the punishment is the same  for an infraction and authorities are forbidden from modifying or mitigating the punishment.  It’s a one size fits all approach to issue management in our schools.

AND IT DOES NOT WORK.  Because we have confused Zero Tolerance with “maximum punishment” and “setting an example for others.”  And, mostly, it creates criminals out of children whose only “crime” is curiosity, lack of maturity, and lack of knowledge.

We all get irate when we hear stories about the first grader who brought his boy scout knife in for show and tell and got expelled.  The story of the kid who brought his camp utensils into school to eat lunch (because he thought they were cool) and was sentenced for 45 days in reform school makes us angry at the entire concept of zero tolerance.  The fourth grader who pointed a finger at a teacher and said “pow!” and got a criminal record reminds how blind such arbitrary rules are.  The angry teens in high school who fight in the hallways aren’t scolded anymore – they are suspended and possibly expelled.

Zero Tolerance, as it is commonly implemented, does not work on our children or in our schools because it is contrary to the nature of training and teaching children.   Childhood is a preparation for adulthood.  Lessons are structured to prepare them for life and the consequence of disobedience or failure is necessarily less stringent than adulthood.  Children are not adults and to levy zero tolerance laced with maximum punishment on a child for an infraction that they can’t even understand, much less knowingly commit, is not just wrong; it’s criminal on our part to so punish a child.

When I was in high school, I was the “dark, brooding, and wounded poet” for a while.  I was filled with teen angst, I railed against the system, and I committed all my deepest, darkest, and innermost feelings into the pages of my notebook.  I was proud of my notebook and my words.  They were rough, often incomplete, but a true reflection of my feelings and thoughts.  I showed these writing to my teachers and peers – who talked to me, helped me become a better writer, and introduced me to other passionate poets who I might find a connection with.  They were not threatened by me – they saw a creative and passionate young man.

Zero Tolerance

Zero Tolerance makes NO sense.

Today, were I in high school and showed my notebook to a teacher, I would be hauled up on criminal charges.  I wrote about death – mine and people I knew.  I wrote about violence, committed in fiction by myself or upon me.  I wrote about injustices that I witnessed or committed.  I fought in school – all the time.  I was the defender of the weak; my mission was to stand up for the underdog and stop the bullies from bullying.  I was the bully’s bully.  I was often caught, reprimanded, and even paddled – but I was never suspended and I never had criminal charges filed against me.

Despite a lack of concrete evidence that Zero Tolerance actually decreases violence, drugs, or crime in our schools – school boards continue to advocate these policies or risk looking weak on the issues.  Ultimately, it’s our kids that pay the price for these “zero intelligence” policies.

There’s two issues at heart here with Zero Tolerance:

  1. Punishing innocent children who don’t understand the significance of an infraction – punishment that may follow them all the days of their lives.
  2. Preventing children from learning and understanding appropriate behavior for their “darker” emotions of anger and hurt.

Let’s discuss them both.  When a first grader, filled with pride at being a Boy Scout, brings his Scout pocket knife to school for show and tell gets expelled we are sending the wrong message.  We all agree that weapons, even “whittling” or pocket knives should not be in school.  This, by the way is a new concept.  I remember being able to have a pocket knife in school – in the 1970’s.  The child gets expelled, taken away from his friends, away from the environment he thought was safe, told he did something so egregious that he can’t be around other kids, and has his transcripts marked as such.  His entire life and possibly his future, altered by an innocent desire to show off his cool knife to his classmates.  His self-esteem dwindles.  His insecurities rise.  His distrust of those in authority skyrocketed.

That’s Zero Tolerance.  There is no lesson there – there is only punishment.   The lesson, if there is one, is to distrust those in authority because there is no compassion, no leniency, and even small infractions are treated as criminal matters.

These policies do indeed lack intelligence.  The school is the only place where many kids learn appropriate social behavior.  Children spend years of their life in a controlled social environment that is meant to prepare them for their futures as adults.   They need to learn appropriate ways in which to conduct themselves in social situations.  They need to learn how to deal with rejection, conflict, hurt, and all of the negative emotions we all feel.  And they learn most of these lessons in school.

I surmise that Zero Tolerance leads to MORE violence, and greater in degree at that.

Children are mammals.  They are animals – just like the rest of us.   Just like a litter of puppies, children will fight and misbehave.  It’s animal instinct and we cannot suppress it no matter how much we want to.  When we punish to the extreme any infraction, with no tolerance , children don’t learn necessary control or understand the consequences of their behavior.   We do not prepare them for their unsupervised futures as adults and, indeed, we shouldn’t be surprised when a child goes “ballistic” and hurts other and themselves.  After all – we never taught them how to control themselves – we only taught them that ANY behavior deemed unacceptable will be met with the stiffest possible sentence.

Shame on us.  We’ve turned our schools from institutions of learning into institutions.

These kids I described above are, in the eyes of the school, criminals.  Are they in yours?  If not, why do you continue to support Zero Tolerance policies?  Intent and circumstances do matter – and you need to take a stand against “zero intelligence.”

Let our kids be kids.

Education, Politics
, ,
Why didn't bin Laden get a Trial?

Why didn’t Osama bin Laden get a trial?

May 20, 2011 by Sparks 7 Comments

On May 1st, 2001 I checked my smartphone phone before I went to bed and saw that the President of the United States was preparing an important press announcement and would be addressing the nation live.  A late-night, unplanned, Presidential address; something big was happening.  Feelings of dread filled me as crawled out of bed, went to the living room, and turned on the television.  Did we get attacked again?  Was there another natural disaster on the horizon?  Were aliens spotted in Nevada – not the human kind?

For the first half hour there was nothing to see – just the scrolling banner on every channel saying that the President was coming on soon.  Then, in started trickling the news in advance of the address; Osama bin Laden was dead; killed by an American drone.

This was history.  Even though it was a school night, Carey and I woke the kids and brought them into the living room.  With only the flickering of the television providing light in an otherwise dark house, we all watched as the news story about bin Laden unfolded.

I was telling my kids to remember this; where they were and what they were doing when the news of bin Laden’s death reached them.  I remember vividly watching  the Challenger tragedy with my father from the side of the road in Orlando when I was 15-years-old.   I remember, as a 19-year-old, the Berlin Wall coming down.  Similarly, I will remember the death of Osama bin Laden – and my kids will share that memory with me.

As I waited for the President to come on I was tweeting with the rest of the world.  (see image)  My children and I were having philosophical discussions on war, peace, the Middle East, tolerance, and the state of America post-9/11.  With the rest of America I breathed a quiet sigh of relief when the President came on and confirmed bin Laden was killed.  I, too, smiled and celebrated at midnight with my family.  The mastermind of 9/11 was dead.  Small consolation to the families and victims of 9/11, but justice had been served.

Or had it?

click to enlarge

(click to enlarge)

As more and more details came out it became clear that there really was no “capture alive” directive for bin Laden and that it wasn’t a carpet bomb that did him in.  A team of Navy Seals surgically went into the compound, killed any possible resistance (the men in the compound) and left alive the women and children.  This wasn’t a crazy firefight – it was a superbly executed tactical mission and the goal was evident; kill Osama bin Laden.

That’s not justice.  That’s revenge.

While I do not argue that bin Laden needed to executed for his crimes, his verdict should have been dispensed by the courts of law in the world.  To unilaterally go into a country with whom we are not at war and kill bin Laden without the benefit if a trial is not the American way.  It’s the kind of tactics that, were they used on American interests, would spur a massive counter-attack and a media blitz of inhumanity and injustice.

The more I think about it the more shocked and appalled I am by this action of our government.  Even the Nazis, who killed millions and performed much, much more appalling and criminal acts than bin Laden got the benefit of a trial.  The world got the benefit of the Nuremburg trials.  We proved, with no doubts, that we were better than the bad guys and that no matter how much provocation was levied against us we would not succumb to the same uncivilized behavior.  The Greatest Generation indeed.

Had we captured bin Laden alive and given him a trial I am sure he would have hung from the neck until dead – but we’ll never know because revenge was more important justice.

America is supposed to set a standard for the world.  Somehow we’ve lost our way.

Politics
, ,
The welcome sign on Main Street

Leesburg Bikefest 2011

April 9, 2011 by Sparks 1 Comment

This was my first year at the Leesburg Bikefest.  I always imagined it being some rinky-dink affair, a pale clone of Daytona’s Bikeweek or Biketoberfest.  After all, it’s in Leesburg, a rinky-dink town about 45 miles outside of Orlando, without even the benefit of a beach nearby to draw visitors.

I was absolutely wrong.  Leesburg knows how to welcome Bikers.  I had such a great time today, with my gorgeous wife.  There was easily 10,000 bikers riding and walking through Leesburg.  The weather was perfect; not a cloud in the sky and the temperature was around 90-degrees.  There couldn’t have been a better day for a bikefest.

I’ve picked up a bad habit of riding helmetless lately.  My ride to the office every day is 5.5 miles, is all local roads, and I enjoy the feel of the wind on my face.  It’s become so enjoyable for me that I decided to ride to Leesburg today without my helmet.  Carey, a little nervous, decided to do the same, even though I asked her multiple times to wear a helmet.  I ended up getting a sunburn on my head today as a result.  For those of you who think I am an idiot for not wearing a helmet, that should give you an “I told you so” moment.  I know it’s irresponsible to ride without a helmet.  You don’t have to preach to me.  I get it.

Once we arrived, helmetless, we quickly found parking and walked the event.  Unlike Daytona, where the booths are all set up at the Speedway and the “walk” is on Main Street, Leesburg has everything strewn all through the downtown area.  There were multiple bands playing, plenty of refreshment and beer stands set up, the standard “crazy biker” events like bike passengers trying to eat a dangling hotdog while riding under at 10 miles per hour, and lots of vendors.

The space, while crowded, was much much less crowded than Daytona.  I enjoyed being able to walk around, for the most part, unhindered.  If you’ve ever been to Daytona Bike week, you’re familiar with the “Main Street Shuffle,” a slow and shuffling gait that gets you from one end of Main Street to the other in about an hour. 1/4 mile in an hour.   That’s how crowded Main Street in Daytona is.

While there was a little “Main Street Shuffle” in Leesburg, it was much better than Daytona, with the added benefit that you didn’t HAVE to walk Main Street.  There were vendors and   events all along the side streets.  You only had to walk Main Street if you wanted to see the bikes rolling up and down the street.

From an attendee perspective, Leesburg has all the usual suspects.  The muscle-bound biker going shirtless.  The toothless, pudgy, biker – also shirtless.  The wannabe hardcore bikers who don’t even know how to handle their bikes.  The older ladies wearing far too few articles of clothing.  The young hotties showing less skin that I liked.

All in all, I have to say I really, really, enjoyed the Leesburg Bikefest.  A much more mellow crowd than Daytona, a bit more mature, and much easier to navigate that Daytona.  In some ways, I think I prefer the Leesburg event to the Daytona event.  I will definitely be going back next year.

Take a gander at some of the pics I took on my Android phone today.  Enjoy.

Motorcycle
,

Cancer is a Terrorist

February 24, 2011 by Sparks 2 Comments

On September 11, 2001 a group of determined terrorists shocked, horrified, and angered the nation by killing over 2,000 people on our own soil.  America found out that where we thought we were safest, we were vulnerable.  We learned that where we thought ourselves strong, we were weak.  It was a critical blow to our national self-image, pride, esteem, and suddenly and abruptly ended our days of naive and ultimately ignorant belief that we were inviolate within our own borders.

Our reaction was, as you know, pretty dramatic.  We declared war.  We tightened our borders.  We geared up to fight, not a country, but an idea.  We called it the War on Terrorism and, for a short period of time, Terrorism had a face called Osama bin Laden.  Only, like cancer, terror is a hydra with many faces.  Chop off one and another appears.  The Taliban was the next face.  Then it was Al Qaeda as a whole.  Then Saddam Hussein.  Now back to the Taliban again.  Rinse and repeat.

Terrorism is the cancer of the world and we fight it the same way we fight cancer.  We seek it out.  We eradicate it and hope that not a single cell is left over to restart the cancer again.  We protect ourselves against future terror by strictly regulating what comes in and out of our “body,” our borders.  We change our behaviors so we don’t increase our chance of attack through slack attention to security.

It has left a scar on us as a nation – the smokey ruins of the Towers, now cleaned up but still a savage, ugly, scar across the face of America.  We live in a constant state of anxiety, afraid of a possible future, an eventuality that may or may not happen.  We fear another terrorist attack.  We strictly, and sometimes irrationally, attack anything that looks even remotely like terrorism.  We accept detaining or killing innocent people to cut the terror cancer from our lives – because they were close to terror but not necessarily of it.

We don’t look to tomorrow with hope, we don’t see potential and possibility behind every door.  Those days are behind us.  We are not so innocent anymore.  We don’t see the sun now; we see the shadows.  We don’t see the potential for gain, we see the possibility of harm.  We willingly give up our freedoms for the illusion of temporary security – because we are so traumatized by our firsthand experience with terrorism.

If terrorism is a cancer, then cancer is a terrorist – not in that it uses fear and terror as a means to accomplish a political goal, but the effects of cancer on a person are very much like the effects of terrorism on people and nations.  As a cancer survivor I live every day in a state of terror, uncertainty, and fear that I will get attacked again.  I alluded to it in my blog post titled “Living an Unbalanced Life” where I said I had “cancer PTSD.”

Like America, I have a scar from my cancer.  Numerous ones.  My most magnificent is a nice, long, 10-inch scar on my neck, which is now deformed because surgery was forced to remove some of my neck muscle to ensure we got the cancer.  Very much like being willing to detain or kill innocent people to ensure we get all of the terrorists.  I accepted this scar – the reality that I would forever compromise how people saw me – to ensure that the cancer was well and truly gone.  I accepted the fact that I would forever have a large scar on my abdomen where the feeding tube was inserted into my belly so I could eat while I dealt with the high morbidity of my radiation treatments.  It seemed a small price to pay, no?

I changed my behaviors as soon as I found out I had cancer.  I immediately started watching what I put into my body.  I stopped smoking my occasional cigar – one of my truly guilty pleasures that I enjoyed immensely.  I quit drinking caffeine.  I reduced the sugar in my diet – because cancer loves sugar.  I limited my sun exposure.  Again, this is very similar to America tightening borders, our no-fly lists, and our scrutiny of people and cargo coming in and out.  It just makes sense, right?

And now, almost 3 years later, I suffer from the trauma of my terrorist attack – of my cancer.  Every little pain I have I immediately suspect and it sends me spiraling into a “I have cancer” funk.  It could be a fat lip that I convince myself is cancer.  It could be a weakened gallbladder.  It could be a sprained shoulder.  I am so traumatized by my experience with cancer that I live in constant fear and I over-analyze every twitch, twinge, or rumble of my body.  I wake up every morning with a silent dread in the back of my consciousness, convinced that this is going to be the day I find out I still have cancer.  I roll out of bed, feeling at once so grateful I am alive and survived my cancer but also filled with a vague sadness and conviction that I am on borrowed time.

This affects my day-to-day living.  It impacts my happiness, by ability to be content, and my plans for the future.  It affects my wife, my children, my family, and everyone who comes into contact with me.  Similarly, America suffers.  We have terror PTSD as a nation.  We label, incorrectly, everything as terrorism.  We live in fear of a new attack.  We let it affect our daily lives and accept the misery and sadness that we give to ourselves – because we know we’re going to get attacked again.

Terror wins when we let terrorism or cancer change who we are

Terror wins when we let terrorism or cancer change who we are

I’m not depressed.   I’m just filled with anxiety.  I dodged a bullet and it scares me to no end that there could be another cancer bullet out there with my name on it.  I hope there isn’t, but I must face the reality that it could be there.  I fear that if I get attacked again I won’t be able to dodge the bullet a second time and, more importantly, I am not sure I would handle a second attack as well as I did the first.  Now I know what to expect and I’m cringing, pulling away, even before the gun fires.

Is my fear unreasonable?  Is my anxiety unwarranted?  No; it is not.  Any cancer survivor reading this will attest to the fact that you are never the same after diagnosis.  Some primal innocence we didn’t even realize we still retained gets stripped away, leaving us raw and vulnerable.  What is unreasonable, though, is to let this anxiety and fear continue to adversely affect the quality of my life.  I have to come to grips with this new world I live in; I must accept it and live my life in spite of the uncertainty I now know is there.  If I cannot do it on my own, I need to seek the help of someone who can assist me in dealing with my fear and anxiety.

Terrorism is a cancer.  Cancer is a terrorist.  We must make sure that the cure does not kill the patient, and we must make sure that we find ourselves again when it is over – we have to enjoy our lives and start living again.  We cannot let the terror or cancer change who we fundamentally are, else the cancer or terror may as well have beat us.  We also cannot ever afford to be less vigilant – we must rise up and fight cancer and terrorism whenever and wherever we find it.  To fail to do so will eventually destroy us.

I went through surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy to rid myself of cancer.  We nearly killed the patient to cure the disease.  And the trauma of that haunts me to this day.  Moving on and reclaiming my life, becoming who I want to be instead of what the cancer forced me to be is hard, scary, and so daunting as to seem an insurmountable mountain.

It seems to me that America is not so different.

Cancer, Cancer & Recovery, Politics
,
Newer Entries
Older Entries