The Wedding Monster

I think I created a monster when I proposed to Carey.

We’re looking to get married on October 11th, 2009. That’s 278 days away. That’s a lot of days, to me. Apparently, though, it’s not enough time and we’re already behind on everything!


On Sunday, Carey dragged me to the bookstore to buy a wedding planning album. I was completely oblivious about wedding planning before Sunday. The wedding section was filled with books that are heaven to a Type A personality. Book upon book of lists and things you HAVE to do to get married. Carey was nearly orgasmic as she thumbed through the lists. I was bored.

Last night, as she forced me to sit through two hours of reality TV dancing, she ordered me to pick my mother/son dance for the wedding.

Really? Now? 278 days before the wedding? When I’m already braindead from watching mindless TV?

I said as much. I got “the stare.” It wasn’t the normal stare, either. There was something new behind it. Some sinister purpose that hinted at dark and terrible things to come should I attempt to thwart her will.

Suddenly the temperature in the room dropped about 10 degrees and the lights dimmed. I got scared as I realized that quite literally my life was on the line here. I muttered something as my shaking hands opened my laptop and I desperately searched for the perfect mother/son dance so she could write it in her list – in the book she bought at the bookstore.

Disaster was averted as I found the perfect song. The lights came back on and the temperature went back to normal. Carey smiled at me, kissed me on the cheek, and complimented me on my choice. I tentatively returned her smile, suddenly very interested in the television.

The monster is still in there, though; inside her. I know it. I’m scared to death anticipating the next time it will emerge.

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4 Responses to “The Wedding Monster”

  1. Dude, whatever you do….stay AWAY from theknot.com!!!

  2. BinaryBloggerPrincess Reply January 6, 2009 at 12:12 pm

    You are so in trouble! BUT THAT WAS HILARIOUS! I wasn’t that bad! Silly! Good thing I love you!

  3. The best advice I should have taken was to set our wedding as close to the proposal as I could. Wedding planning fills every available minute. You are always behind, and no amount of work can ever make you less behind. The sooner the wedding comes, the sooner the work ends.I didn’t listen to the advice. We planned for almost a year. I almost died. Our wedding would have been just as perfect if we’d planned for only six weeks.

  4. BittersweetBachelorette Reply January 15, 2009 at 10:57 am

    I know. I’m the disgruntled owner of several MOH dresses.If anyone every proposes to me, and I happen to feel inclined to accept–I’m eloping and having done with it.

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