I don’t care how you pee . . .

So I’m at the urinal this morning, doing my business, when a gentlemen enters the restroom and takes the urinal next to me. He’s obviously uncomfortable with the whole “I’m peeing and you’re standing next to me” thing. Didn’t matter that there was that little wall between him and I so I couldn’t see his one-eyes trouser snake.

He walks up, unzips, and walks up so close to the urinal that I’m positive his hands are touching the back of the urinal and then turns his body so far away from me that I swear to you he had to be peeing on the wall and not in the urinal.

The image was comical and I had to chuckle. So I did.

As I laughed, I could hear him cut off in mid-stream and nervously hug the urinal even closer. A nervous pisser. I smiled inwardly.

I found myself making noises just to make the guy uncomfortable, because you kinda have to in a situation like that.

I started by clearning my throat, then segued into a very country, aimed-nowhere, “Yep.”

Then I reached up with one hand and grabbed the wall divider between us. Three of my fingers were ON HIS SIDE of the wall.

I was clearly pushing this man to his limit. I wouldn’t be surprised if he peed all over his hand. He had to go, badly, and I totally had him in fits and starts – the kind that you have to wait out because if you try to put willie back in his cave you end up with wet spots all over your pants.

All too soon, fun time was over. I shook it, shook a leg, zipped up, turned, washed my hands, and left the bathroom.

I’ll never understand why some guys are so gunshy in a urinal. But they sure are fun to torment.

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One Response to “I don’t care how you pee . . .”

  1. Its no better in ladies…The types Of Women In The Powder RoomIndifferentRushes in, raises dress with a “whoop,” pulls crotch of panties aside and squats with great force, rattling windows and causing breasts to bob up and down. Hums lively tunes and sounds like a bucket of water being poured from third story window.CautiousHas heard of so many girls contracting VD from toilet seats that she straddles bowl, leans over to flush, pees on her nylons.WorriedA week past due. Squats thoughtfully, counting days overdue on fingers. Uses toilet paper, examines it hopefully. Peers into toilet before flushing, sighing deeply. Walks out biting nails after forgetting to wash hands. Resolves never to go to bed drunk again.ConceitedApproaches toilet with undulating movements, giving the other girls high-fives. Raises dress by fingertips. Expression while peeing indicates that such a lovely creature should not be compelled to attend to such lowly duties. This type farts louder than a firecracker and stinks like a goat.SloppySkirt drags in toilet while squatting, pees all over front of toilet seat, never uses toilet paper, drags her business all over seat, forgets to flush and emerges with back of skirt caught in panties.TimidLooks under stall door to see if anyone else is in the toilet, turns on faucet full force, backs up to toilet, squats quickly, flushes for constant flow of water, coughs, hums, listens intently to learn if sound other than faucet can be heard. Ends up with loud fart, walks out blushing.Cross-EyedSits on one cheek on the side of the seat and pees all over the floor. Usually wears rubber boots on her visits to the toilet and carries a box of Kleenex in her purse.FrivolousLets stream go in little squirts to the tune of “Row, Row, Row Your Boat.”LiteraryAlways takes book of the month to the can with her. Blames “Forever Amber” for her piles.Big TimeAlways leaves toilet door open while she chats and brags to the other girls about the guy she “had” last night. Shows girls her panties with black lace edging and “Welcome” embroidered in the crotch. Has never been to bed with a man.DrunkWobbles to toilet. After several attempts, manages to raise dress. Squats on toilet with shrieks of laughter, pees for awhile singing happy little songs. Suddenly starts sobbing uncontrollably as she realizes that she forgot to pull her panties down. Sighs, continues to pee and sob

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