Microsoft Surface RT

Review of the Microsoft Surface RT Tablet

December 7, 2012 by Sparks 0 Comments

As Program Manager at myList, part of my job is to evaluate all new devices that may support my application, see how it works, and determine what, if any, changes need to be made to my platform to support the new device.  To that end, I was excited and had high expectations when I walked into the Microsoft Store in Orlando to purchase my Surface RT.  What follows is my experience, thus far, with the Surface RT.  This is not a hardware review; there are plenty of those out there.  Yes, we know it has Bluetooth, USB, etc, etc, etc.  

The Microsoft Store

I was immediately impressed by the Microsoft Store when I walked in.  Sure; they had emulated elegant minimalism from the competition, but they took it to the next level.  I was stunned by the wall-to-wall dynamic displays, the ease of access to everything that mattered, the friendly staff, and the openness of the store itself.

They were really pushing the surface, and it had featured signage and placement in the store, but not so much that the rest of the Windows 8 suite was not easily accessible.  My daughter fell in love with a touchscreen Window 8 laptop and I had to drag her out of the store when I had completed my purchase.

I was helped by a young kid who was hip and more of the “I’m a Mac” than “I’m a PC” type of guy.  I assumed that was by design as Microsoft is in the middle of re-imaging itself.  I definitely felt a bit like a dinosaur in the store; a middle-aged man surrounded by the young so-called “technologists”.  I was at first put out by that; because I knew I would know more than any of these “kids” in the store.  I hate shopping at other electronic chains because of the lack of knowledge on hand by the staff – and their refusal so acknowledge that fact.  I was also grimly anticipating the “nerd pissing match” that was sure to follow as we felt each out.

My fears were unfounded, however.  The young man who helped me was knowledgeable about the product and very polite.  He carried on a light and easy banter with me as I described what I was looking for.  He left me alone to play and experiment in the store, and came back when he noticed my head pop up and look around.  I felt like I was important and respected.  He was attentive and even managed to up-sell me, twice, without ever setting off warning alarms in my head.

It was, by far, one of the  most pleasant electronics purchase experiences I have ever had.

My Purchase

My Bag of GoodiesI ended up purchasing the Windows Surface RT 32-gigabyte, the Type Cover, the extended protection plan (up-sell), and the Nixon case (up-sell).  Total cost, a little over $800.00.

My salesperson tried to check me out with a walk-around tablet he had in hand, but even after 2 reboots he could not get it to acquire a network connection.  I politely refrained from offering help or unsolicited advice.  He quipped that his POS (“point of sale”, people, not “piece of s**t”) table was not running Windows 8 and if it were, none of these issues would be happening.  I had to give him points for recovery.

Eventually, we walked up to the hard-wired registers and completed the purchase there.  He then offered to “set it up for me.”

That, to me, is a concerning policy.  Not that they were willing to set up my Surface for me, but that they felt that they had to.  The competition does not do that.  It immediately made me wonder what was so difficult about setting up a Surface RT compared to, say, and iPad?  I politely declined, saying that the install and setup was part of the fun and discovery.

My First Impressions

It was with great excitement that I rushed home to unpack and play with my new Surface RT tablet.  As I unpacked the tablet, I sat back and told myself the following:  “this is not just a tablet.  This is a computer.  Not a full computer like the Surface Pro will be, but more of a computer than other tablets.  Don’t have all the same expectations  you would have for a tablet.”  I had already been exposed to some mixed reviews of the Surface, so I wanted to enter the experience understanding that there are apples, there are oranges, and there is the Surface RT.  This is key to remember as I continue the review – it is the source of much joy and frustration, as I will explain later.

Setup

In a word – annoying.  It took 10 minutes for the first boot to complete.  The word “Surface” was on the screen then entire time with a spinning wait state underneath it.  I did not know what was going on, there was no indicators, and I was forced to just . . . wait . . .  until it was done.  Whenever that would be.  When it finally came back and I set up my default options, it was fast and responsive.

I don’t know what took so long that first time, but multiple reboots since have never taken more than 30 seconds to get back to the login screen.

Keyboard

Surface Type KeyboardI decided on the type keyboard instead of the touch keyboard shown in all the commercials.  It’s a little pricier, to the tune of ten extra dollars, but worth it in my opinion.  After trying them both out in the Microsoft Store, I just couldn’t get used to the lack of haptic feedback.

You don’t actually have to have a keyboard to use the Surface RT, of course.  The tablet and OS is designed to work sans keyboard, but you’ll need one if you’re going to do any serious work with the tablet.

The back of the type keyboard is a nice dark grey felt and feels nice to the touch.  The keyboard itself snaps into place magnetically and it just works.  My daughter is distraught that the “snap” sound it makes in real life is NOT the same sound it makes in the commercial.  The sound in the commercial is enhanced a bit and sounds “cooler” to her.  This was, believe it or not, a reason why she wanted to get the tablet.  The noises in the commercial.  She was so disappointed that it did not sound the same that she was put off by the device.  Note to advertisers – sometimes it backfires.

The great thing about the keyboard is that it can fold all the way back behind the tablet and it will turn itself off when you do that.  You don’t have to disconnect the keyboard if you want to go full touchscreen.  Just fold it back, and it will turn itself off.  It works every time.

Windows RT

I had intentionally not installed or used a version of Windows 8 prior to getting my Surface.  I wanted no preconceptions based on betas or pre-release builds.  I wanted the official experience.  This is the first Microsoft OS that I have done that with, by the way.

I won’t spend a lot of time here because there are a lot of reviews of the OS out there.  Simply put, I am a big fan.

  • Live tiles are awesome.  Simply awesome.  It’s way better than dead icons on the screen and less concerning than overwhelming widgets all over the place.  When I get an app that does not take advantage of the live tiles, I am disappointed and end up moving the tile to the “back” of the group.
  • Surface gestures are phenomenal.  Swiping from left to right to switch between active programs and swiping from top to bottom to close the active program as so intuitive that I now have a hard time using my iPad and Android tablets.  Microsoft got it right.
  • Pinching and zooming on your desktop is great and allows you to move “groups” of tiles en masses as you re-arrange your desktop.
  • I wish I had a way to “label” groups of programs on my desktop, but I cannot.  There are “tile creator” programs out there that will create tiles that can be used a group headers, but they take up tile space and they are kludgy.
  • I wish there were more options for desktop backgrounds.  You are supplied with a dozen or so, and no ability to change.  You can change your lock screen all you want though.
  • Only Metro apps run on the RT; you can’t install every Windows app out there on your Surface RT, and therein lies my biggest problem with the Surface RT (see below)
  • My BIGGEST shock was my 14 gigs of my 32 gigs were taken up by the Windows OS itself.  Honestly, I felt cheated.  I bought a 32-gig tablet expecting most of the memory to be available to me.  It is not.  This is a SERIOUS issue in my opinion.  I added an extra 64-gigs of expansion (the major advantage of the Surface right there), but it still concerns me because I cannot install applications onto the expansion card.  I can only drop media onto it.  I can run out of space easily if I install applications and if they store too much local data – because they will not use the expansion card.

The Application Ecosphere

In a word; it sucks.  If there is one thing that will drive me away from the RT it is the lack of decent applications.  They are in the same spot Android was in a few years ago when Apple had all the  best apps and only a few developers were creating apps for Android.  It is my hope that Surface apps will soon become more ubiquitous and major developers will embrace the platform.  Here are some of my observations so far:

  1. Office 2013 is Awesome
    The Surface comes with Powerpoint 2013, Excel 2013, OneNote 2013, and Word 2013.  These are great apps and really bridge the gap between tablet and computer and highlights what Surface is all about.  Yes; I have noticed slight performance issues in Word, where I can type ahead of the cursor if I try.
  2. There is no Facebook app
    Facebook access is built into the “people” application.  It’s Microsoft’s way of integrating all things social onto a single app format, because they also support Twitter on the people app.  It just does not work.  I have hundreds of Twitter followers and hundreds of Facebook friends.  All the People app does is simple newsfeed aggregation and both Facebook and Twitter are so much more than that.  It it clumsy and unintuitive.

    Yes, I could use Internet Explorer and go to Facebook directly, and I do.  But I don’t like it.  In this instance, I want my Surface to not be a desktop, but a tablet – and tablets have apps.  I want a Facebook app that looks, smells, and behaves like a Facebook app, but following the design concepts of the Surface ecosystem.

  3. The Barnes and Noble Nook application is one of the best Surface Apps there is
    Now here’s the ironic part; Kindle beat Nook to the Surface with a sub-standard app, even though Microsoft invested hundreds of millions into Nook.  In fact, the printed material that came with my Surface prompted me to claim two free magazines on the Nook app – and the app wasn’t even out yet!  It came out a week later.  Still, once it came out I was completely wowed by it.  Great job fellas.
  4. None of the Apps I Want are There Yet
    Foursquare, Plants vs Zombies, Brighthouse TV, Mint.com, Relax Melodies, Twitter, Facebook, Google+, Instagram, Pandora.  And the list goes on and on.  There are thousands of apps in the Microsoft App store, and some of them provide some level of cool functionality, but the major players are just not present yet.  They need to come to the party or there will be a bunch of lonely people standing around with drinks in their hands not knowing what to do.
  5. It’s not all bad.  There are some cool apps that I have been introduced to, though:
    1. MetroTwit is a great Twitter client, but with Twitter trying to control all clients, they won’t get much support and will quickly get to the point where they can’t take on any new users.  This has already happened to one Twitter client in the RT world.
    2. The ComiXology app is present, but it is a “preview” app and is so buggy that it is almost unusable.  I read a lot of comics, though, and and hoping a stable update gets released soon.
    3. Chess4All is a great chess game that I have come to love.
    4. Radiant Defense is absolutely the MOST addictive tower defense game I have ever played.
    5. Wordament is a great boggle-type game played XBox-style against hundreds of other people.
    6. Evernote and Skitch work like a champ on the RT.  Well done!
    7. iHeartRadio – you gotta love it.
    8. Kayak is an awesome travel app.  Never used it before, but now I see their commercials and they Metro app is great.
    9. News360 is the best news aggregator app I have used.  It allows you to enter topics of interest and really digs into what interests you.  Microsoft is pushing News Bento to all Surface users, but News 360 is way better in my opinion.
    10. The ESPN app is pretty awesome, and the built-in Sports app on the Surface blows me away as well.
    11. Stumble-Upon on Surface is great.
    12. The Google Search app is fantastic.
    13. Star Chart is PHENOMENAL.  It’s like Star Walk on iPad, but better in my opinion.
    14. Fresh Paint is a great drawing and doodling app.
    15. Autodesk SketchBook Express is pretty darned cool as well.
    16. Photo Studio Free is a great basic image editing program.
    17. Metro Commander is a great way to take control of your system right from the Metro Interface

Conclusion

I really like the Surface RT.  I have almost completely replaced my iPad with it for what I do most; read, surf the web, and get the news.  It still lags FAR behind other tablets in support for Social applications, though, and it needs to catch up quickly.   I do not regret my purchase.  I find the Windows RT interface refreshing, I love the live tiles, the gestures are second nature to me now.  The hardware is awesome.  I am upset at my loss of storage space because of the OS size.

If only it had more apps . . . I wouldn’t feel quite so alone.

 

Blogging, Technology, Work
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My Publishing Strategy for NASA #Atlantis Social

October 31, 2012 by Sparks 0 Comments

This Thursday I get to participate in a NASA social event, celebrating the final journey of the Space Shuttle Atlantis from Kennedy to the KSC Visitor’s Complex.  Only 45 of NASA’s social media followers have been selected to participate in the event, and I am fortunate enough to be a follower so selected.

As many of you know, I am an amateur astronomer and NASA aficionado and have been for years.  In fact, many of my blog posts are about my geekiness and NASA fandom.  A sample of a couple of my NASA-related posts:

I have had hard hat tours of the VAB.  I have seen many of the behind-the-scenes views of NASA.  I have multiple friends that have worked at NASA for years, as engineers and, literally, rocket scientists.  And yet – this is the first time I have ever been invited not because of someone I know, but because of who I am.  A NASA nerd, a social maven, an astronomy geek.  This is, for me, a proud and defining moment.

I plan on sharing my journey through the innards of NASA as we celebrate the final journey of Atlantis.  I have lots of avenues open to me, but I think I need to keep it simple.  So, without further adieu, here is my high-level strategy.

myListI will post all of my high-res pictures taken with my Canon Digital Rebel via myList. as part of the KSC Atlantis fan page I have created in Facebook.

As Program Manager of myList, it is fitting that I use the technology I create to socially share these photos with a wide Facebook audience. If you have not liked the KSC Atlantis page I have created, please do so now; that way you get the updates on Facebook as I post them.

myList is a fantastic platform for sharing the things you love on Facebook and I highly recommend you take the time to play with the app and learn to love it as much as I do.

Instagram

I will use Instagram for my lower-quality personal pictures, taken with my phone for “instant gratification” as I go through the tour.

I have Instagram connected to my personal Facebook and Twitter accounts, so any photo published via Instagram will be simultaneously shared with my audiences on those platforms.   I’ll try not to use too many funky filters – the purpose of using Instagram is not to be “artsy” but to reach the widest possible audience as quickly and easily as possible.

I will use Facebook to publish all of my normal observations and status updates. Facebook is connected directly to my Twitter account, so all updates on Facebook will automatically go to my twitter audience.

The great thing about Facebook is that I have a number of followers and subscribers that hinge on my every update there.  Twitter is great, but I have a less personal following there; I tend to be more personally connected with my Facebook followers than I am with my Twitter followers.  Using Facebook to publish these quick status updates allows me to appease both audiences.

I will use my blog to provide in-depth analysis and reviews of the Social after the event.

My blog has a nice following, although I have been neglecting it of late as my duties at myList have been pressing on me.  This blog will memorialize, summarize, and organize all of the content I generate as part of this event.  My blog posts are also automatically connected with my Twitter account, so the second I publish my blog, my Twitter followers get the update.

That’s it;  my publishing strategy in a nutshell.  Have I missed anything?  Feedback and comments are most appreciated.

Blogging, Life
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How to be a Jerk

October 30, 2012 by Sparks 2 Comments

Sometimes I can be a real jerk.

I am not proud of myself right now. I did something I find personally despicable and I can’t, for the life of me, understand why I did it. In a thoughtless moment, I responded to a situation in a callous manner. I treated another human being poorly.

Here’s the down-low; I was driving to work this past Saturday. It was a big day for myList; the first NBC broadcast of the IRONMAN World Championship, presented by myList, was about to be aired. Hundreds of thousands of people were going to see the broadcast and see the myList branding everywhere. As a result, we expected a significant traffic spike on our servers and I needed to be there to manage it with the rest of the development and product team.

It’s fair to say I was a little anxious. I had been working for two weeks to scale our infrastructure to handle the anticipated load surge. Should the spike in traffic cause us to crash, my neck was on the line. As Program Manager, successes belong to the team, but failures belong to me. I knew we had done all the right things, but I was still nervous. Had I planned accordingly? Had we failed to anticipate some variable? Were we ready?

All of these thoughts an anxieties were in my mind as I drove towards the Interstate. I pulled up to the light on Michigan and Orange Blossom Trail. My windows were down; it was a beautiful day, and I had the music playing lightly. I was in “work mode” and focused only on getting to the office.

I barely noticed when a homeless man started walking towards my car. I paused momentarily in my thoughts of work to note that he should have crossed the street at the cross walk instead of in the middle of the street. I looked down at the clock on my radio, noting the time. When I looked back up again, the homeless man was less than 10 feet from my car and angling directly towards me.

Stopped at a light in the ghetto. My windows were down. I should have realized that he was going to approach me and ask for money.

Annoyed, for no good reason, I looked at him and in a commanding, authoritative, voice, I commanded him to “keep on walking.”

Without missing a beat, the homeless man sighed, looked away, and started shuffling to the front of my car to finish crossing the street. I was actually proud of myself for about three seconds. I was strong and in command. I said exactly what I felt and it created the desirable result; the man had stopped his approach and moved way.

About ten seconds later, as I was starting to drive through the intersection, it hit me. I had just treated another human being like garbage. I had shown a despicable and callous disregard for someone simply because he had interrupted my thoughts of work. For a brief moment, I did not see a fellow human, but something less.

This man was at the bottom – the rock bottom. For whatever reason, his existence had been reduced to relying on the compassion of strangers to make ends meet. He was once a proud man, I am sure. He held a job. Had a family. Had a life. And now, here he was, in threadbare clothes begging for change on a Saturday afternoon.

And I gave him only contempt.

I am ashamed of myself. The fact that I do give spare change to homeless people when I have it means nothing. In this case, I was a cad. There is a courage, grace, and bravery in begging. This man did not judge me for saying no, but I judged him for asking. He just sighed and walked away.

And I, not he, was left the lesser man.

Blogging, Life
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Cover picture of Aliens Can't Sing the Blues by Ron Sparks

Aliens Can’t Sing the Blues – Published!

September 7, 2012 by Sparks 0 Comments

I am published again! Aliens Can’t Sing the Blues, my collection of short stories, haibun, and flash fiction have been published on amazon.com as a Kindle Single. Only 87-pages in length, it is a fun and quick read; one I know you’ll enjoy.  Priced to move, at only $0.99, I know you’ll find it an exceptional value for the price.  This is the fist of many self-publishing events I will host.  I have a lot of words stashed away.  The book has already sold very well with the very limited press it has received so far.

Here’s a short intro for each story in the book.

Aliens Can’t Sing the Blues:  a young musician with nothing to live for saves the human race from destruction by an overwhelming alien force by doing what he does best; pouring his soul into his music.

Slave Race:  A race of galactic conquerors finds more than they bargain for when they subjugate the human race.

The Day We Lost Earth:  An enlisted gunner in a trans-planetary defense dreadnought watches in horror as his home planet is destroyed before his eyes.

Vampire in my Attic:  To save her little sister, a young girl is forced to make a terrible deal with supernatural creatures who live in her house.

Tripodia Prime:  After their planet was destroyed, humans find ingenious ways to colonize new worlds.:

The Other Window:  Disaster strikes humanity’s first intergalactic ship.

Switched at Birth:  An accident causes a young man to miss the birth of his . . . motorcycle?

Sparks and the BEM:  Humans against the Bug Eyed Monsters!

Question for God:  A misunderstood genius is too smart for his own good.

The Night the Music Died:  a Y2K disaster.

Missing Mass:  A scientist discovers the source of all the missing mass in the universe.

Max and the Roach:  A brother and sister at a dingy diner learn that reincarnation is not a myth.

The Dance of Warding:  A crafty shaman’s apprentice learns primitive politics.

A Kawaiisu Omen:  A portent of doom hovers over a young man as he watches a spectacular meteor shower.

Medusa:  A lonely scientist examines a supernatural phenomenon with utter skepticism.

You can get the book on Amazon.com.  Buy your copy for your Kindle today!

Writing
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Selling your Soul to Buy Beer

June 17, 2012 by Sparks 2 Comments

I went into my local grocery store / home goods store last week and purchased a 12-pack of beer. It’s a national chain that you would immediately recognize and could guess the name of instantly. You’d probably hit it right in the bullseye on your first guess. I’m not going to call them out by name, however, as this blog is not a rant against the retailer, but rather a rant against the average American willingly giving away their rights and their privacy in the name of convenience.

The cashier at this national chain asked me for my ID in order to complete the transaction. I was pleasantly surprised; with my gray hair and wrinkles around my eyes, it’s obvious I am of age (heck – I’m over 40!), but it still feels really good to be carded.

The cashier did not look at my date of birth on the license. She did not verify my picture. She took my license and tried to swipe it in a card reader. I immediately stopped her and said “You don’t have permission to scan my license.”

She was flabbergasted and did not know what to do. She protested, “But I have to scan it to sell you the alcohol.”

I replied, “You can look at it and verify my age. You don’t need to scan it.”

She went to scan the license again and I had to say, again, “You don’t have my permission to scan my license. Get your manager.”

Before she could get her manager, however, my wife, embarrassed at the scene I was making, handed over her driver’s license and allowed it to be scanned. While I wish my wife hadn’t felt the need to “smooth” the situation over by doing exactly what I was protesting against, my point is still valid.

When the cashier scanned my wife’s driver’s license, the computer had the opportunity to do more than just verify the legal age required for purchasing alcohol. A wealth of personally identifiable information (PII) was passed into the retailers computer system – without her knowledge or permission.

  • Her full name
  • Her address
  • Her date of birth
  • Her height
  • Her weight
  • Her gender
  • The issue date of the license
  • The renewal date of the license
  • Any driving restrictions (corrective lenses)
  • Any driving endorsements (safe driver / motorcycle)
  • Her license number

All of this information was given to the retailer; just to buy a 12-pack of beer.  This is reprehensible.  Why would you, or anyone, feel comfortable with this?  This is very sensitive PII that only law enforcement should have access to when/if they pull you over.  And yet we willingly give this info to a retailer in order to buy beer.

After doing a lot of internet research, this particular retailer is staying mum on whether or not they keep this information – which means they are of course keeping it.  If they were not collecting it, a simple denial would be easy to make.  The lack of a statement is damning.

So the corporate marketing machine now has the ability to tie my PII in with the credit card used to make a purchase.  If I shop at this chain regularly, and use the same credit card, they now have a wealth of information on my every purchase and can tie it back to me, personally.    My shopping habits are tied directly back to me as a person.

I would expect this if I shopped online as you have to give much of this PII in order to make an online purchase – but in the brick and mortar store?  Never would I expect to provide such sensitive information.

How secure is my data in their system?  Who has access to it?  What do they use it for?  Why do they need it?  What is their data retention policy?  When do they get rid of it?  How can I get my data purged if I so desire?

Most of us don’t even think about handing over our license to a retailer.  It’s convenient and quick.  But that convenience comes at a price – your privacy.  With identify theft at an all-time high and more and more intrusions on our privacy, we need to be vigilant in protecting our personal information.

It is your obligation to protect yourself and your privacy.  Lack of vigilance is what leads to retail policies where they won’t sell you alcohol unless you provide when with all of your PII.  If enough of us said “that’s not good enough”  they would stop.

Florida Concealed Weapons Permit

Florida Concealed Weapons Permit

Me?  I have a surefire way of preventing I get my PII stored when I buy alcohol at this retailer.  I don’t give them my driver’s license.  I give them my Florida Concealed Weapons Permit.  It is a valid state ID, and it does not have a bar code or magnetic strip on it.  The cashier can only visually verify my information.

I urge you to do the same – use a valid ID they cannot electronically scan, or go somewhere else to buy your alcohol.  Don’t willingly give up your personal information.

Blogging, Retail
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You’re Lucky To Be Alive

May 25, 2012 by Sparks 1 Comment

You’re lucky to be alive. Sometimes you take it for granted, even with the constant reminder that greets you every morning in the mirror. A jagged 10-inch scar running from your left ear all the way down your neck is the most visible, and yet the least significant, scar you have. You can’t feel the scar, or the surrounding neck or facial skin. You can run your fingers across your face and neck and easily mark the boundary of feeling and non-feeling.

But you don’t have to touch the flesh to know that the nerves are dead and that you feel, quite literally, nothing where the scalpel sliced your neck wide open. You can feel the non-feeling. A distant “tug,” when you swivel your head from side to side. A phantom flesh feeling – after almost forty years of having sensation you’re acutely aware of the lack.

Your left ear rings. All the time. Constantly. They told you it’s a side effect of the chemotherapy and that if it didn’t subside in a year, it never would. It’s been almost four years. You know you’re stuck with the ringing for life, but it’s not as bad as it sounds. Your mind has the wonderful ability to tune out the sound so you’re barely aware of it most of the time. Your mid-range is shot to hell. You can’t hear a thing if someone tries to talk to you and there is background noise. Again, the chemo did this to you.

The inside of your neck, on the left side, is hard to the touch. Under your skin, a mass of scar tissue has taken over the inside of your neck and esophagus. This is from the thirty-five radiation treatments you had to endure as they burned the good flesh to kill the cancerous flesh inside your body.

The radiation had other effects as well. You lost all of the salivary gland on the left side of your neck. You can’t eat without a sip of water with every bite. You can’t go more than half an hour without water to quench your parched throat. You’re embarrassed to eat in front of others because your food often gets caught in the desert of your throat and you gag and bring food back up just so you can try to swallow it again.

You get lockjaw and sudden painful neck cramps all the time. Your neck is deformed on the left side as a result of the surgery that removed your cancer. Your doctor took good flesh along with the bad to ensure the cancer was fully removed. Half of the neck muscle has been removed and lockjaw and cramps are the permanent side-effect you’re forced to endure.

You have a massive hiatal hernia and a near-constant pain under your ribs as a result. The feeding tube that punctured your abdominal wall weakened the muscles in the entire area. When you recovered and started working out again, you didn’t realize how weak your core muscles were as a result of that feeding tube and you ripped your muscles wide open, creating the hernia by doing chin-ups in your living room doorway.

Your cancer has been gone for nearly four years now. You hope it never returns, but you live in constant fear of it. This is your biggest scar, this fear of a recurrence of your cancer. Every ache, every pain, every physical anomaly sends you spiraling into a pit of despair. You hate going to see a doctor now, after so much poking, prodding, invasive surgeries and instruments, and yet you get antsy and your anxiety skyrockets if you don’t see your oncologist every few months.

When you emerged from your cancer battle with your first clean scan behind you, you made a promise to live more fully, more passionately, more intensely. Just….more. You did exactly that, for a while. You reveled in your new lease on life. You were happy in a way you had never been happy before. You were active, involved in the community, and full of vim and vigor.

And then, one day, you realized that you had sunk into the same tired routines you had lived with your entire life before the cancer. Sure there are differences, you are a better man than you were before, but you have not come close to realizing the dreams and promises you had made to yourself when your life lease had been extended. The millions of lilliputian stresses and decisions in your life have dragged you down and anchored you into mediocrity.

So here you sit, smiling mirthlessly at your computer screen as you type this. It’s midnight and you’re in a darkened room, wondering where you went wrong. You’re a cancer survivor. You’re one of the lucky ones. You have a wonderful life. A beautiful, loyal, and devoted wife as well as three wonderful children share this life with you. But you know you haven’t reached your potential – that you are not living as completely or fully as you promised yourself you would.

You keep telling yourself that this dark cloud that hangs over your head will go away when you reach the five year mark. That’s a lie and you know it. Your fear of a future with cancer is preventing you from moving forward. One step forward and two steps back. You live in fear of cancer. Intellectually you know that you need to manage this anxiety – that a fear of a possible future shouldn’t affect your present. Emotionally, though, underneath that thin veneer of logic, you’re gibbering in terror at the thought of cancer finding you again.

Curious that you always come back to this. You’re a hypocrite. You want people to see you as strong, brave, and as a survivor – but you spend your days filled with doubt and fear. Your heart is pounding even as you type, because the act of writing about it makes you think about it. Sometimes it beats so hard you feel like it is going to explode out of your chest.

But no one ever sees this. They see only what you want them to see. A man in control. Strong. If they only knew how full of unspent angst and anxiety you are.

Maybe that’s what all cancer survivors do, you muse. Maybe they all have the same fears you do and they all keep it bottled inside. The image of this amuses you; millions of survivors walking around living seemingly normal lives and yet harboring a secret terror and shame inside that they think is unique to them alone.

Shame. That’s the word you’ve been looking for. You’re ashamed of yourself for not being more than you are. You’re a smart man, you tell yourself. If you’re not happy, change something. Change anything. The definition of insanity of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result each time. You know that the only thing you can change is yourself.

Are you strong enough to change? Can you rise above the fear that has held you back and prevented you from being the man you said you wanted to be?

You don’t know – but you do know that evolution is gradual – tiny changes over time to create a whole new species. You know you can’t make grand statements and sweeping changes and hope to succeed.

You feel a little better having recognized and acknowledged your fear and shame. Tomorrow, you decide, you’re going to make a small change in your life. Tomorrow, you’re going to look at that scar on your neck in the morning and smile at it – not taking for granted that you are alive.

Blogging, Cancer, Cancer & Recovery, Life, Recovery
Welcome to Leesburg Bikefest

Leesburg Bikefest 2012

April 29, 2012 by Sparks 0 Comments

Leesburg Bikefest 2012 was a roaring success. The Binary Princess, our children, and I all had a great time today, as you will see from the photos below.

The ride to Bikefest was great. My youngest son, Christopher, rode with me while the rest of the family drove separately. The trip was about 45 miles from our house, with not a cloud in the sky and perfectly temperate weather. This was a definite contrast to Daytona Bike Week where we got soaked on the way over and were rained on for 3 days.

As Christopher and I were riding into Leesburg on SR-27, we saw a bike go down. A Harley Softail Heritage Classic with two women on it was trying to make a slow U-turn and they overbalanced and fell right into the path of oncoming traffic. A few other bikers rode by, not stopping to help.

It was a massively dangerous situation. SR-27 is a very busy road with a high volume of high-speed traffic. The ladies who had fallen were shaken up and couldn’t get the bike back up; it is a fairly heavy bike. The rider was bleeding heavily from the knee and the passenger was crying. Neither one of them were doing the right things to get themselves to safety after the spill. That’s where Christopher and I came in. I pulled up next to the fallen cycle immediately and blocked traffic. We helped the ladies pick up their bike and push it safely into the turn lane. Once I verified that the bike was fine (thank goodness they had highway bars) I escorted them into a parking lot where we could safely evaluate the them, and their bike.

They ended up being OK. Shaken up, but OK. Embarrassed, but alive to tell the tale. They thanked us and rode off. I hope they made it home safely. I was literally SHOCKED that no other biker pulled over to help. The solidarity of our two-wheeled brother/sisterhood took a major hit. What gives, fellow bikers? Why was I the only one to stop?

After that little adrenaline rush, we rode into Leesburg without incident. There were no trikes allowed on Main street. A lot of riders were angry at being turned away and having to miss the opportunity for the Main Street ride and be forced to park elsewhere. At Leesburg, bikes not only park on the right and left side of Main Street, but also on the center line. This makes for a very tight ride through Main Street and they’ve had problems with trikes being too wide and knocking over a row of bikes. While I can see why the trike riders would be annoyed, it’s a sound policy and I support it. I would not want my bike damaged because of a careless trike rider.

I personally think that Leesburg Bikefest is better than Daytona in many ways. While I have been to Daytona many, many times, this was only my second time at Leesburg. Daytona has been losing its luster for me, and many other bikers. While it’s obligatory to go to Daytona, I really enjoy the open setting of Leesburg, the many band locations, the easy ability to get out of the Main Street crowd at any time, and the laid back participants. It’s just a great venue. Next year I’m riding to Sturgis, so I’ll have another Fest for comparison.

Great ink on the Tattooed Lady

Great ink on the Tattooed Lady

I really liked the tattoo extravaganza. There were about a dozen tattoo artists set up and inking people in a nice air-conditioned building. I was wearing my Cast Iron Tattoo shirt and easily half a dozen people approached me to tell me how great Danny (owner) was and how much they loved Cast Iron. I was impressed. I went to Cast Iron when I got myself inked last. They did a great job; apparently they have a great reputation in Orlando.

Anyway, we all walked around for hours. Around dinner time, the kids decided to go home, and that left just me and the Binary Princess to wander the Fest. We ended up with a great view of Seven Mary Three when they came on at 9:30pm. The Binary Princess and I saw them play House of Blues a few years ago, when we had just started dating. It was important to us to see them again tonight – to remind ourselves of the romantic beginnings of our relationship. I have to say, they are an amazing group and they sounded great.

Our day ended after 7M3 went off stage after the encore. We bought a couple of long-sleeved t-shirts for extra warmth on the ride home, settled in, and enjoyed a nice ride home.

I can’t wait until next year.

Some interesting things we say at Leesburg this year:

  • A minor motorcycle accident
  • A Busa tearing out of a parking lot trying to impress and losing control of his bike, probably ruining his front end as he hit the curb at 30mph.
  • A preaching singer with a “Honk for Jesus” sign and a megaphone, serenading everyone who rode into Main Street
  • The Central Florida Precision Motorcycle Drill Team perform some amazing maneuvers on some heavy bikes.
  • A very, very drunk lady stumbling backwards so proficiently she looked like a professional backwards runner. She never fell, but she stumbled away into the night never to be seen again.
  • Some amazing bands, like Hypersona.
  • A crazy, spooky, clown doll that kinda freaked me out.
  • A lot of tattooed people and a very cool tattoo extravaganza.
  • A lot of poorly prepared people getting horrible sunburns.
  • Some amazing bikes.
Check out some of the pics we took (click for larger images):
Blogging, Motorcycle
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What a Binary Biker is Not

April 23, 2012 by Sparks 5 Comments

I was riding through Ormond Beach, Florida yesterday when a fellow biker pulled up next to me and asked for directions to St. Augustine. Of course I assisted, but as he rode away I noticed the stickers on his helmet and his saddle bags.

His helmet had a picture of a hand giving the finger, with the word “Islam” under in. Another sticker said “Speak English….ASSHOLE.” His saddle bags were decorated with USMC stickers and “kill them all and let God sort them out” stickers. His jacket was over-decorated with American flags.

As I looked him over, I realized that aside from being a fellow biker, I had nothing in common with this man. In fact, he was so much the polar opposite of me that I could conceive of no situation where he and I would ever speak to one another outside the context of two riders on the street. That got me to thinking about what it is to be a Binary Biker.

The Binary Bikers are a small group of riders. We don’t have an official patch jacket patch yet. We don’t have meeting minutes. We don’t have regular meetings. We don’t have regular rides as a group. We DO have a t-shirt, though.

What really ties us all together is a similar worldview. We are many things, us Binary Bikers. We ride cruisers and we ride street bikes. We are Christian, atheist, and agnostic. We are nerds, jocks, and musicians. We are writers, divers, and astronomers. We are surfers, runners, and couch potatoes. We are critical thinkers, students of logic, and study philosophy. We are chefs, programmers, and teachers. We are single, married, and divorced. We come from the school of hard knocks and we have advanced college degrees. We are civilians, active duty military, and children of career military parents.

One thing every Binary Biker can do is understand and answer this question accurately:

010101110110100001100001011101000010000001101001011100110010000001

11010001101000011001010010000001100001011011100111001101110111011001

01011100100010000001110100011011110010000001101100011010010110011001

10010100101100001000000111010001101000011001010010000001110101011011

100110100101110110011001010111001001110011011001010010110000100000011

000010110111001100100001000000110010101110110011001010111001001111001

011101000110100001101001011011100110011100111111

The Binary Bikers are a lot of things, but there are a few things we are NOT.

A Binary Biker is Not….

  • a blind follower. We pride ourselves on our critical thinking skills and can back up any position we take with facts, logic, and sound reasoning. Bikers are traditionally seen as non-conformists who don’t follow the path of most people. How odd it seems to us that the Binary Bikers are non-conformist and most bikers nowadays are just loudly voicing an over-stereotypical opinionated view of the world shared by a majority of ignorant people in the nation.
  • tolerant of intolerance. We detest the hypocrisy of “Fuck Islam” stickers and the mentality of people who proudly wear such inane and inflammatory garb. We understand that, regardless of your personal belief system, that people, not religions or gods, are responsible for the atrocities in the world today and that people must fix them.
  • a bigot. We support marriage equality, harbor no ill will against anyone based on color, creed, sexual orientation, religious background, or nationality. We fight for equal rights and rally against the fear-based, narrow-minded, exclusion and segregation that exists at so many levels in our nation today.
  • politically ignorant. We are, all of us, American citizens, and we take our responsibilities as citizens seriously. We love our country and support the founding principles of this nation. This means we protest vociferously government infringement on our rights and support initiatives that raise up and protect every member of our nation, especially those who have no voice or can’t speak for themselves.
  • afraid to stand apart. We didn’t form the Binary Bikers for solidarity; we organically came together as a group of like-minded individuals who happen to ride motorcycles. We don’t need the group for validation of ourselves – we have all the validation we need in ourselves and don’t look for it elsewhere. We stand together because we are not afraid to stand apart.
  • blindly patriotic. We don’t feel the need to wear flags or proclaim American superiority or to belittle other countries to bolster our view of our own. Our patriotism is not disposable or transient based on who is leading our country. Our patriotism is not for sale on a coffee mug, t-shirt, jacket patch, or bumper sticker. We do not cheapen it thusly.
  • close-minded. We all have opinions and beliefs, but we are not so foolish as to think we have all the answers. Nor are we afraid to express an opinion and be wrong. We don’t dismiss those who feel or believe differently than us, but neither are we gullible enough to insist that every opinion is equally valid. We are open-minded, but demand those who interact with us be logical and consistent in their actions and beliefs, even if we don’t understand or agree with them.

A Binary Biker is a reasoned and educated man or woman. We do not hate or exclude in order to define ourselves. We define ourselves through inclusion, tolerance, and open-mindedness. The biker who asked me for directions to St. Augustine yesterday was not a candidate for being a Binary Biker; he obviously defined himself through hatred, intolerance, and exclusion. He had nothing in common, save a love of riding, with any of the Binary Bikers.

Could you be a Binary Biker?

Blogging, Motorcycle
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The Rules of Motorcycle Waving

April 16, 2012 by Sparks 4 Comments

I wrote a post a while back about “Biker Etiquette.”  In it, I cried foul on Florida riders for waving based on “cliques” or bike type.  Cruisers only wave to other cruisers.  Rice only waves to rice.  As spring comes into full swing in Florida and all the part-time bikers are back on the road, I’ve noticed a few changes to the etiquette this season.  Here’s a handy table on the inane rules of motorcycle waving as I observe them daily:

You Ride He Rides Wave?
Street Bike Metric Cruiser No
Street Bike Street Bike Yes
Metric Cruiser Street Bike No
Metric Cruiser Metric Cruiser Yes
Harley anything else No
anything but a Harley Harley No
Harley Harley Yes

Remember, Florida has no helmet law – I am now seeing waving being based on the helmet status of the riders.  So, regardless of your “wave status” in the table above, the following also applies:

Are you wearing a Helmet Is he wearing a helmet? Wave?
Yes No No
No Yes No

Silly, but true.  Me?  I wave when I see a fellow rider.  We’re all riders – even scooters.  Keep the rubber side down and remember that you’re part of a small minority; all of us deserve a wave.

Blogging, Motorcycle

Why I Won’t Be Voting for Phil Diamond for Mayor of Orlando

March 13, 2012 by Sparks 11 Comments

See this man featured here?  That’s Phil Diamond.  He’s running for Mayor of Orlando.

And he’s my next door neighbor.  Literally.  His house is right next to mine; less than 25 feet separate our houses.  He has spoken less than 25 words to me in the two years I have been living next door to him.  The only time he ever spoke to me was when I was walking by and he offered me some oranges from the tree in his front yard.  Probably because any orange I took away was one he did not have to clean up.

That’s it.  We’re neighbors.  I see him in his yard.  I sometimes see him in the morning.  Occasionally on the weekends.  I don’t even get good-natured waves and “hi neighbor” anymore when I walk by with the dogs, or when I see him in the mornings when they load the kids into the car to head to school.  I don’t get much of a glance at all when I ride by on my motorcycle.

I suspect I know why; we’re “the renters” next door.  We’re not permanent residents.  We’re transient.  On top of it all – I have the worst landlord in Orlando who does absolutely no maintenance on the house in which I live.  My house looks much less “downtown Orlando” than his does.

I suspect I’ve been judged, and found wanting, because of the misfortune that led me to a house that I don’t really approve of.  I am the eyesore next door and it’s better to ignore me than to be seen interacting with me or acknowledging me.  I am the second class citizen on the street because I rent; not worthy of his attention.

Of course, if he got to know me, he would know that I am a recent cancer survivor and medical bills these past few years have made money tight – so I am paying a relatively cheap rent right now to alleviate onerous bills while I rebuild.

If he had bothered to have an exchange of words with me he would know that I make sure I always live in the school district where my sons and daughter can go to the best public schools in Orlando.

If he had smiled and chatted with me he would have known that we are only in this less-than-ideal house because our previous landlord, owner of a much, much nicer house on Gore street, was forced to short sell the house and we had to find a new place, in the middle of the school year, quickly.

He doesn’t know my oldest son was accepted to three Florida colleges and is an amazing guitarist.  He doesn’t know my daughter broke her foot 5 weeks ago.  He doesn’t know my youngest son is also an amazing digital musician.

He doesn’t know that I am a published author, who recently got an essay from this blog included in a high-school and college textbook on patriotism.  He doesn’t know that for the past three years I have been the Chief Technical Officer of a local company that does millions of dollars of business every year with the Army National Guard.  He certainly doesn’t know that I am now a Program Manager at another local internet company that is building one of the most amazing Facebook apps ever.

You won't see this sign in my yard

You won't see this sign in my yard

He doesn’t know any of that.  He’s never been a friendly neighbor – with me at least.  I look up and down my street and I see house after house with the “Diamond for Mayor” signs in their front yard.  I suppose he’s talked to all of them – but he’s intentionally avoided knowing me or my house.

For whatever reason, Phil Diamond has not taken the time to know who is next door neighbor is.  I agree with many of his political statements, but I can’t reconcile the Mayor of Orlando with a man who will snub his neighbors.

Perhaps I am wrong about the entire ordeal.  Maybe we’ve just been two ships passing in the night and have never had an honest opportunity to say hello.  I hope this is so, but my perceptions leads me to fear otherwise.

I wish him luck in the election, because I wish no man ill, but I will not be voting for Phil Diamond at this time – even though I think he has a strong platform.  If I had never had the opportunity to be his neighbor I would have no qualms voting for him – I just don’t like my perception of being the “ignored” or “passed over” neighbor for no reason I can discern other than a bias based on the house I rent.

Politics
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